Dont Mess With A Golf Ball Going 200 mphby Dan Boever 'Whats your problem man?!' I dont hear that very often on the golf course. In fact I have never heard it - ever. The problem was I wasnt on the golf course; I was outside the back door of a bank. I had been hired to perform for several hundred guests during their grand opening. It was all set to be a fun and uneventful day. Then Murphy and his law stepped in. Behind me were 150 people and a cop. In front of me was an angry disc golfer and his buddy. They werent right in front of me; they were about 300 yards away but quickly approaching. Why the high blood pressure situation from our two disc golfers? It was a simple misunderstanding involving a couple golf balls landing within a few feet of them. It seems they did not see the same type of humor in the stray golf balls as did the crowd behind me did. Did I mention there was a cop back there as well? As the showdown ensued I felt I held the advantage. Given the choice of being hit with a disc or golf ball going over 200 mph; I would opt for the disc. I say this with little knowledge of how fast a disc can go at top speed but Im fairly certain however they dont go 200 mph. Heres how it all came down. The area at the back of the field was supposed to be clear of any human form when out of nowhere came our two friends for a day of fun in the sun. The crowd saw this and I jokingly said, 'Hey, why dont we see how close I can get to them with this ball.' It got a big laugh as was intended. I have said this countless times over ten years as groups could see trees, planes, ultra lights, birds, cars and all types of objects they may want to see hit with a golf ball. Never have I intended to hit any of the aforementioned but it always gets a big laugh when I hit it their way. It is the illusion I am looking for and it is the illusion that gets the laughs. I would never risk hitting anything or anyone for the sake of a simple laugh. Geese on the other hand are typically crowd favorites and I have scared my share of these fine birds as they fly lazily along dropping their seasonal fertilizer from above. On this beautiful June day my sweet little drive landed a bit closer than anticipated. How close? I do not know but it landed close enough to get a head turn from our two buddies. A head turn is never a good thing. The crowd thought it was funny. People are sick! That would have been fine except my next drive landed just as close. This was where the misunderstanding took place. The bank had purchased a mini-blimp and tied it to the ground. They thought it would be funny if I hit some balls at it. They were right. This mini-blimp was 500-600 feet in the air but I can hit them that high with my driver so I got after it. My drive narrowly missed the blimp which drew huge laughs and applause. As the ball kept flying we soon realized it was headed at our unsuspecting disc golfers, again! Of course, it landed near them, they jumped and the crowd laughed. People are sick! At this time our friends became less than amused, chunked their discs to the ground (not smart) and started our way. Naturally I said, 'Lets see how they like it when I hit a low liner at them.' Again this drew laughs. I hit a liner their way (no way I could hit them), more laughs. This was a great crowd! I wasnt too worried, they were still 250 yards away and I had 50 brand new Pinnacles - the hard ones. Plus, remember, I said I had a cop behind me and I know he was on my side. A major battle was avoided when our boys stopped and threw their arms in the air as if to say, 'What gives?' Im guessing, as much as they wanted to throw a major hyzer-flip at me, the 150 people behind me may have made them re-think their position. They turned and went back to their game while I also changed my direction and started hitting balls at a nearby water tower. Not to try and hit it but only to get it close... There are a couple things I learned that day. 1. If you are gonna aim at a mini-blimp, you better make sure you hit it. 2. It always pays to work on your low liners because you never know when you may need them. Oh yeah, one other thing I learned. It sure doesnt hurt to have a policeman right next to you at all times. Make sure they have a weapon and make sure they think youre funny...
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